I’ve been struggling. My mind has been ALL over the place. My heart has been aching. I haven’t been okay.

I haven’t been writing because I couldn’t find words, I can’t share these devotionals whenever I’m not living by them, when I’m drowning and just can’t catch a breath.

So, I figured I’d share that. Sometimes I just go through these spouts of whatever this is. I can’t catch my breath, I can’t get out of my head, I worry, I struggle, I ache. I don’t want to eat, don’t want to talk (which is a struggle because my job is literally talking), I feel sick all day, I just go to work and come home and lay restlessly in bed. This will last for about 3 or 4 days – sometimes longer and then for about a two weeks I’ll be back to my usual, won’t-shut-up-to-take-a-breath self.

It sucks, a lot of people don’t get it. They don’t understand it. People are unable to comprehend how you can be completely “normal” and you see/hear/feel something that puts a gray filter on life.

I feel this way often, and I’m working on myself. I’m working towards not feeling this way. Talking to God helps – I recite a prayer consistently as if it’s a mantra.

I know that there’s a lot of people out there who go through this and I know it’s easier to not talk about it. But, God hears us, we’re human, we’re all a work in progress. You’re allowed to have feelings, you’re allowed to not be okay sometimes. Just remember God is there, and he’ll take care of you, he’ll always be there for us at the end of the black tunnel, and with time he’ll help us out of that tunnel.

Dear God, I’m not okay. I’m not myself. Please calm my mind, heal my heart, and take my worries away. Amen.