Self control – ugh that’s a rough one. As I’m writing this it is one o’clock in the morning, I’ve just flipped the TV from Brooklyn Nine Nine (after watching four episodes) to Friends. Full disclosure I’ve watched every episode at least fifteen times. I’ve had two cups of milk, and this is the third devotional I’ve written today.

Why for the life of me do I have no self control…I mean ZERO self control? I broke a habit today – I told myself I was going to force myself into having my sleep schedule “normalized”. I had my husband put a lock on my phone – I can’t use anything on my phone (other than notes… you know for late night writing – like this). He’s the only one who knows the password for it – so after eleven o’clock I am locked out. Also, I told myself I wouldn’t turn on any show after I lay down other than Friends (I have to fall asleep to the sweet sound of “I’ll be there for you”. I’m pathetic, I know). But tonight…I came to bed, laid down, and turned on Brooklyn Nine Nine. I knew I shouldn’t have. I even thought about it as I scrolled through my keep watching page on Hulu…but yet, I still turned it on, and I still watched four episodes.

I couldn’t stop – I kept thinking come on Katie, you know you need to turn it off and go to bed. But, episode after episode I kept clicking “Play Next Episode”. I feel guilty, it really is making me sick to my stomach…I feel like I betrayed myself (keep in mind I am a writer…so I may be a little over dramatic).

How does God feel when we make him empty promises? I mean, come on, I feel sick to my stomach when I make an empty promise to myself. Can you imagine how our Maker, the one who had an entire life planned for us before our parents had even given us a second thought, feels whenever we don’t mean the promises we make to him. When we beg and plead for something, then promise him something in return, and then we don’t follow through.

Are you guilty of saying a prayer and ending it with “…I promise I will start going to church again” or “…I promise I’ll do better in talking to you daily”? I know I am, I’ve done it time and time again – I’ve given God an ultimatum, which is bad enough, but then…then he is gracious enough to give me what I prayed for and I don’t even hold up my end of the deal…that’s sucks. I can’t even sugar coat in. I put that on paper (technically on my screen, but still) and I can’t even begin to comprehend how much that…sucks. How bad that feels – being betrayed by your best friend, that hurts more than you can comprehend, right? Try having your child do it. Try having someone you sent your child to die for do it to you. Man, if that doesn’t put things into perspective…

Lord, help us to honor our word. To honor our word in everyday life, to our friends, our family, and most importantly to you. You give us time and time again, you give us your life, you give us redemption..and still we have problems keeping the promises we’ve made to you. Help us, teach us your ways, mold us to be more like you.

“When a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but, must do everything he said. ” Numbers 30:2